How to not raise a sexist pig
A mere 30 minutes after making it through the hospital doors, I was holding my son. Suddenly, I felt like I needed more time to prepare. I had been a father for two years, but this felt different. I was now responsible for raising a boy to be a man. Yet I barely felt like a man myself. How to Raise a Man is an online course based on my best-selling book, published by Penguin (South Africa) and Hatchett (Australia). This self-elect Teachable course is based on my tried and tested Strong Mothers-Strong Sons course which has already helped hundreds of .
Sep 23, Fall. Drawing on their decades of U. While women and girls are speaking riase parenting magazine how to raise a man being encouraged to challenge traditional gender pzrenting, the messages boys and men receive have largely remained the same. For parents who are wondering exactly how they can raise boys to be connected, respectful men, the recommendations below—based on extensive national and global evidence—can help provide practical guidance.
Encourage personal expression when it comes parennting toys. Use play and imagination as a way to define positive values and qualities. When role playing—from stuffed animals to imaginary friends—use language and create scenarios that introduce a full range of healthy emotions and respectful dialogue. How do you know? How can magazien help? Challenge harmful stereotypes when it comes to outfits and expression. For example, clothing or accessories targeted to girls, long hair or nail polish, rainbow colors, and so forth.
When boys believe in stereotypes around what it means to be a man, it can lead to harmful consequences for us all. Be clear about consent. Help your son question those norms and understand consent. Find books, Arise shows, and media that have good role models. Read books gaise choose television shows and media that break free of gender norms, showing boys and other male figures adults, animals —as well as girls and women—whose interests, jobs, and emotional expression challenge gender norms, and model values pareting respect and equality.
Common Sense Media how to use your cell phone internet on your computer a recommended list of movies featuring role models for boys commonsensemedia.
Speak up when you hear disrespectful comments. Other how to clean up spills members and people who interact with your son also have a large influence. Identify positive role models.
Identify role models magzine the family, the community, the media, or entertainment who model positive, healthy, respectful ways to be a boy and a man. Use these role models as a springboard for discussions about healthy masculinity and expressing the full range of emotions. Talk the talk. When they do ask for help from their parents, many more go to their mothers 25 percent than their fathers 7 percent.
Walk the walk. Challenge your own perceptions of gender roles, and model the behaviors you want to encourage. Actions speak louder than words. Countering current stereotypes and longstanding cultural notions of what it means to be a boy or how girls should behave will take concerted effort, not just from individual families but within schools, corporate boardrooms, government institutions, and the media.
Having these conversations—and reinforcing them consistently, and with actions—can be a crucial first step. She can be reached at Bernice. Morquette planusa.
Plan believes in the power and potential ofevery child. Working together with children, young people,supporters, and partners, Plan strives for a just world, raaise root causes of the challenges facing girls and all vulnerablechildren.
For more information, please visit PlanUSA. Promundo is a global leader in promoting gender equality andpreventing violence by engaging men and boys in partnershipwith women and girls. It works with men and boys to jagazine gender norms and unequal power dynamics asa critical maagazine of the solution to achieve gender equality.
For more information, visit promundoglobal. Resources plan4girls. Next Voice Male in the Classroom. Related Posts. Your Shopping Cart Your cart is currently empty. Visit Parenting magazine how to raise a man Shop. Magazine Issues.
Bernice Morquette and Alexa Hassink
Apr 30, · Many of boys' most undesirable behaviors are learned, and there are things parents can do to help guide young boys into becoming good men. These expert tips for raising sons will foster and Author: Tamekia Reece. Sep 23, · For parents who are wondering exactly how they can raise boys to be connected, respectful men, the recommendations below—based on extensive national and global evidence—can help provide practical guidance. What follows are Plan and Promundo’s nine tips: 1. Encourage personal expression when it comes to toys. May 09, · Modern parents have the entire internet at their disposal and don’t follow any single authority. It’s hard to know what to trust. In this guide, we’ll talk about how to raise a person you.
We all want to be the best parents we can be for our children, but there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a kid who is confident, kind and successful.
Research tells us that to raise a self-reliant child with high self-esteem, it is more effective to be authoritative than authoritarian.
You want your child to listen, respect and trust you rather than fear you. You want to be supportive, but not a hovering, helicopter parent. All of these things are easy to set as goals, but hard to achieve. How do you find the right balance? As your child develops, the challenges will change, and your thinking may evolve, but your approach should be consistent, firm and loving. Help your child learn through experience that making an effort builds confidence and helps you learn to tackle challenges.
Calibrate your expectations about what your child is capable of doing independently, whether you have an infant learning to sleep through the night, a toddler helping to put toys away, or an older child resolving conflicts. Remember, there is no one right way to raise a child. Do your best, trust yourself and enjoy the company of the small person in your life. Your healthy attitude toward sleep, food and discipline will affect your children in the most important ways.
Right from the beginning, babies vary tremendously in their sleep patterns. And parents, too, vary in terms of how they cope with interrupted nights. Those who believe in sleep training, including many sleep experts, would argue that in helping babies learn to fall asleep by themselves and soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake during the night, parents are helping them master vital skills for comfort and independence.
But there are also parents who find the idea of letting a baby cry at night unduly harsh. Whatever you try, remember, some babies, no matter what you do, are not reliably good sleepers. Parents need to be aware of what sleep deprivation may be doing to them, to their level of functioning, and to their relationships, and take their own sleep needs seriously as well.
So, ask for help when you need it, from your pediatrician or a trusted friend or family member. For older children, the rules around sleep are clearer: Turn off devices, read aloud at bedtime, and build rituals that help small children wind down and fall asleep.
By taking sleep seriously, as a vital component of health and happiness, parents are sending an important message to children at every age. But even while breast-feeding , there are decisions to be made. Yes, breast-feeding mothers should eat spicy food if they like it. Pediatricians currently recommend exclusive breast-feeding for the first six months, and then continuing to breast-feed as you introduce a range of solid foods.
As children grow, the choices and decisions multiply; that first year of eating solid foods, from 6 to 18 months, can actually be a great time to give children a range of foods to taste and try, and by offering repeated tastes, you may find that children expand their ranges.
Small children vary tremendously in how they eat ; some are voracious and omnivorous, and others are highly picky and can be very difficult to feed. Build in the social aspects of eating from the beginning, so that children grow up thinking of food in the context of family time, and watching other family members eat a variety of healthy foods, while talking and spending time together.
Children should not be eating while looking at screens. Parents worry about picky eaters, and of course about children who eat too much and gain weight too fast; you want to help your child eat a variety of real foods, rather than processed snacks, to eat at mealtimes and snacktimes, rather than constant "grazing," or "sipping," and to eat to satisfy hunger, rather than experiencing food as either a reward or a punishment.
Above all, encourage your child to keep tasting; don't rule anything out after just a couple of tries. And if you do have a child who loves one particular green vegetable, it's fine to have that one turn up over and over again.
Family meals matter to older children as well , even as they experience the biological shifts of adolescent growth. Keep that social context for food as much as you can, even through the scheduling complexities of middle school and high school. Keep the family table a no-screen zone, and keep on talking and eating together. Small children are essentially uncivilized, and part of the job of parenting inevitably involves a certain amount of correctional work. With toddlers, you need to be patient and consistent, which is another way of saying you will need to express and enforce the same rules over and over and over again.
Seriously, take a breather when you are feeling as out of control as your child is acting. Think praise rather than punishment. Physical discipline, like hitting and spanking, tends to produce aggressive behavior in children. Search for positive behaviors to praise and reward, and young children will want to repeat the experience. And take advantage of the opportunity to demonstrate what you do when you have lost control or behaved badly: Offer a sincere parental apology.
Fortunately, most of the friction that happens among children is in the realm of conflict —an inevitable, if unpleasant, consequence of being with others — not bullying. Further, you can remind your children that they cannot passively stand by if another child is being bullied. Regardless of how your own child might feel about the one being targeted, you can set the expectation that he or she will do at least one of three things: confront the bully, keep company with the victim, alert an adult.
When the issue is conflict, you should aim to help young people handle it well by learning to stand up for themselves without stepping on anyone else. To do this, you can model assertion, not aggression, in the inevitable disagreements that arise in family life, and coach your children to do the same as they learn how to address garden-variety disputes with their peers.
For children, gender is an evolving concept , and not one that they always see through the same lens as adults. Three-year-olds can typically label themselves in conventional terms as a boy or girl yet see gender as a fluid trait that is defined by surface features.
For example, young children often believe that having short hair "makes you a boy" and that wearing a dress "makes you a girl. This is often when they develop princess or superhero obsessions, perhaps dabbling in extreme femininity or masculinity to compensate for their sense of losing half of the gender pie.
Left to their own devices, most children move away from rigid gender views before adolescence. All the same, girls generally enjoy more leeway than boys when it comes to gender identity. Tomboys are cool, while boys often vigilantly police one another for behavior they perceive to be feminine. As a parent, you want to help your children feel good about who they are, without making gender roles too constraining.
If you have a child who seems less clearly identified as a boy or a girl, be alert to the possibility that the child may eventually identify as gender fluid or non-binary, and be sure that child receives support. The aim is to help children come to terms with their own gender identities.
This can involve helping all children question conventional views of gender as well as highly stereotyped and heavily marketed media representations of gender. And we want to remember that gender identity operates independently of sexual orientation. All parents have in common the wish to raise children who are good people. You surely care about how your child will treat others, and how he or she will act in the world. In some households, regular participation in a religious institution sets aside time for the family to reflect on its values and lets parents convey to their children that those beliefs are held by members of a broad community that extends beyond their home.
Even in the absence of strong spiritual beliefs, the celebration of religious holidays can act as a key thread in the fabric of family life. Though it is universally true that children benefit when their parents provide both structure and warmth, even the most diligent parents can struggle to achieve both of these on a regular basis. The rituals and traditions that are part of many religious traditions can bring families together in reliable and memorable ways.
Of course, there are everyday opportunities to instill your values in your child outside of organized religion, including helping an elderly neighbor or taking your children with you to volunteer for causes that are important to you.
At every age and skill level, children benefit when parents help them focus on improving their abilities, rather than on proving them. In other words, children should understand that their intellectual endowment only gets them started, and that their capabilities can be increased with effort. Children who adopt this growth mindset — the psychological terminology for the belief that industry is the path to mastery — are less stressed than peers who believe their capacities are fixed, and outperform them academically.
Students with a growth mindset welcome feedback, are motivated by difficult work, and are inspired by the achievements of their talented classmates. To raise growth-mindset thinkers you can make a point of celebrating effort, not smarts, as children navigate school.
Well done! It does not tell us how far you can go in that subject. Stick with it and keep asking questions. It will come. Parents should step in when students face academic challenges that cause constant or undue stress. Some students hold themselves, or are held by adults, to unrealistic standards.
Others missed a step along the way, study ineffectively or are grappling with an undiagnosed learning difference. Determining the nature of the problem will point the way to the most helpful solution. When a parent wants to post on social media about something a child did that may embarrass the child, Ms. Are you posting it to draw attention to yourself? As cute as it may seem to post pictures of a naked toddler, consider a "no butts" policy. That may not be the image that your child wants to portray 15 years from now.
Homayoun said. Our children will create digital footprints as they grow, and it will be one of our jobs to help them, guide them and get them to think about how something might look a few years down the line — you can start by respecting their privacy and applying the same standards throughout their lives.
As children get older, some high-tech games encourage thinking dynamically, problem solving and creative expression. Steinberg said. Some games encourage kids to be part of a team, or lead one. Homayoun recommends them for specific contexts, such as for a child who may be traveling between two houses and navigating late sports practices.
Consider giving tiered access to technology, such as starting with a flip phone, and remind children that privileges and responsibilities go hand in hand. To put these ideas into practical form, the website of the American Academy of Pediatrics offers guidelines for creating a personalized family media use plan.
Some children really do thrive on what would be, for others, extreme overscheduling. Know your child, talk to your child, and when necessary, help your child negotiate the decisions that make it possible to keep doing the things that mean the most, even if that means letting go of some other activities. Remember, children can get a tremendous amount of pleasure, and also great value, from learning music, from playing sports, and also from participating in the array of extracurricular activities that many schools offer.
However, they also need a certain amount of unscheduled time. The exact mix varies from child to child, and even from year to year. And make sure that high school students get a positive message about choosing the activities that they love, rather than an anxiety-producing message about choosing some perfect mix to impress college admissions officers.
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